This is the final post in my series on the challenges of parenting a so-called “digital native.” The new normal for today’s teens is near constant connection to their peers. My last post pointed to some of the hypotheses and frontier research emerging on the impact of constant connection-areas for concern but note nowhere near what is known as consensus science at this time. As I stated in previous posts, I come at this more as parent than educator (and I am not a clinician).
What does “continuous peer advice” look like? When I observe my own children, it looks like an ever-present sounding board for any decision (even with search engines at hand)…where is the best place to get a bagel, what do you think of this dress choice for the homecoming dance, what do you think of my Thanksgiving meal…
Instagram: Should I eat all this?
…and, yes, where should I go to college…? Check out this brief new bit: Students are Using Instagram to Decide Which College to Attend. That’s a new one for me, but I guess I am not surprised.
So, is this ability to run any decision by your friends (or followers) a negative thing? I am certain that if you do a quick search, someone will have written something about how this tendency is making us stupid. However, maybe a true positive of our ever-present online connections is that we can tap into “the wisdom of the crowds” (anyone remember the 2005 book by that title by James Surowiecki?) What I witness my children doing is a form of informal crowdsourcing, maybe more specifically a form of crowdvoting. Have you ever used Yelp or FourSquare? Teens do not have to join an app-based online community to solicit thumbs up or down advice. If anything is negative in this “personal learning network,” it may be the danger of building something like a “filter bubble” created with like-minded individuals. So, maybe our best advice is to encourage our kids to build a personal learning network that will contain some courageous dissenting voices to check negative peer pressure?
So, in conclusion, what are we to do as parents of these “digital natives?” As a parent (and educator) that has talked with hundreds of students, parents, and teachers over these seven brief years since the advent of the iPhone, I recommend a few things:
1. Recognize your children are far from “digital natives,” but are rather more like “digital naives” unless you guide them. Do not mistake ease of use (comfort) with wise use.
2. Adopt a parenting style as a “digital mentor” instead of a “digital limiter” or “digital enabler.” These terms were coined by Alexandra Samuel in a November 4, 2015 piece wrote for The Atlantic titled, “Parents: Reject Technology Shame.” If you do not want to read the article, then check out this great infographic summary at Alexandra’s blog post: What Kind of Digital Parent Are You? Each of the blog posts my series has been offered in the spirit of digital mentorship. And, if you are an educator, encourage and empower your parents to be digital mentors.
3. Do some more research. I highly recommend you read Catherine Steiner-Adair’s, The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age, and balance it with danah boyd’s, It’s Complicated: The Social Life of Networked Teens.
4. Talk to other parents! You are not alone..share ideas…we are all in this together!
